02 7 / 2014


Women’s Studies, Florida International University

"Placing Blame: The Effect of Rape Myths on the Progression of Acquaintance Rape Cases through the U.S. Legal System and Possible Solutions."

From here: https://rainn.org/get-information/statistics/reporting-rates


26 6 / 2014


The Silhouettes of Jackets

I’ve paid less and less attention to Pitti Uomo photos over the years, largely because so much of it gets monotonous. This past tradeshow, however, I caught these three photos from Tommy Ton over at GQ and thought they’re worth highlighting, if only to underscore the importance of how a suit is styled and shaped — two aspects which are just as important as how a suit fits. 

How a suit fits and how it’s styled are two different things. Fit can be basic and not so basic, and we’ve written a ton about the subjectFor a suit jacket or sport coat, it typically means making sure the collar stays on your neck (even as you move your arms), the chest doesn’t buckle away from your body, the shoulders end near your natural shoulder joints, and that there aren’t any ripples or pulls anywhere on the jacket. Somewhat straightforward. 

Style is different. Style is not just about the fabric chosen and pocket details, but also about how the jacket is shaped and cut. 

Take the first photo, for example, of the three young guys in blue suits. All three wearing slim, columnar silhouettes, with low rise trousers and narrow shoulders. The lapels are a bit wider than what’s normal for such looks, but it’s a style that was made popular by Hedi Slimane when he designed for Dior Homme. These kinds of suits have been tremendously popular for over a decade now, but they only really look good on very skinny guys, such as these three. 

In the next photo, we have Mark and Jake from The Armoury, who are wearing something a bit more comfortable and relaxed looking. On Jake (the dude in the darker grey suit and pink shirt), the shoulders are a bit extended, the trousers come up higher, and the notch on the lapel is a bit lower than what’s popular nowadays. Still soft shouldered like everyone else’s jackets at the tradeshow, but the overall effect is different. Perhaps more Armani than Slimane. 

Lastly, Antonio from Eidos Napoli in the last photo is wearing a dark brown suit that he designed himself. Slim fitting, like the first photo we saw, but less columnar, as the chest looks slightly more relaxed (giving the illusion of a more nipped waist), and the quarters (which is that part of the jacket just below the middle button) sweep away as it falls towards the hips. The overall line, going from the top of the lapel down to the hem, is a lot more curved. 

A suit should always fit well, but well fitting suits can look very different from each other. Pay attention to the different shapes that a tailored jacket can take, and you’ll notice that they can be framed like As, Vs, Xs, or columnar Is. Some shapes will look good on you, some will not, but that’s where the fun really begins — finding the style that best fits you. 

To learn more about silhouettes, you can read our old post here

(Photos via Tommy Ton)

My longstanding reward for getting my first “real” post-PhD job? A really nice suit 0_0 Posts like this make me drool for that day… Hopefully by then the number of well-made suit options for women will have multiplied.

25 6 / 2014


On Facebook, a friend recently linked to an article called 20 Tools for Men to Further Feminist Revolution. Although he liked the list, he (correctly) noted that most of the suggestions were quite academic.*

His comments have prompted me to create a list of more practical tools. Most men—particularly men who benefit from multiple forms of structural privilege—do many things in their daily lives that directly or indirectly contribute to a culture of gender inequality. Even men who support feminism in theory can be… not great at applying feminism in their everyday practices.

This list entails suggestions for some practical tools all men can apply in their day-to-day lives to foster equality in their relationships with women, and to contribute to a culture where women feel less burdened, unsafe, and disrespected. 

Part of living in a patriarchal society is that men are not socialized to think about how their habits and attitudes harm women. This list is meant to push men to think more consciously and personally about the direct and indirect effects they have on women, and to think more about how they can contribute to feminism through their lived, everyday practices. 

Tools 15 - 27 are c/o Lindsay Ulrich. Other tools c/o Pamela Clark.

n.b.: The list is not intended to be exhaustive or exclusive. Certain items on the list will apply to some men more than others**, but if you are a man and a human I guarantee there is at least one area on the list where you could make an improvement. If you think there’s something we’ve missed, tell me! If you think something on the list is problematic, let’s have a conversation about it!

1. Do 50% (or more) of housework. You need to do your share of housework all the time, of your own accord, without procrastinating, without being asked, without making excuses. Recognize that our domestic habits and our internalized ideas about unpaid domestic work are hugely gendered, hugely benefit men, and accept that it is your responsibility to fight against this. If feminism is the theory, clean dishes are the practice. Over the next week, take note of how much housework you do as compared to women you live with and note where it is or is not an equitable division. 

2. Do 50% (or more) of emotional support work in your intimate relationships and friendships. Recognize that women are disproportionately responsible for emotional labour and that being responsible for this takes away time and energy from things they find fulfilling. 

3. Consume cultural products produced by women. In whatever your interests are—French cinema, astrophysics, baseball, birdwatching—ensure that women’s voices and women’s cultural products are represented in what you are consuming. If they are not, make an effort to seek them out. 

4. Give women space. Many women walk around—especially at night or while alone—feeling on edge and unsafe. Being in close physical proximity to an unknown man can exacerbate this feeling. Recognize that this is not an unreasonable fear for women to have, given how many of us have experienced harassment or abuse or been made to feel unsafe by men when we are in public spaces. Also recognize that it doesn’t matter if you are the kind of man who a woman has any actual reason to fear, because a woman on the street doesn’t have a way of knowing this about you or not. 

Examples: If a seat is available on public transit next to a man, take that seat rather than one next to a woman. If you are walking outside in the dark close to a woman walking alone, cross the street so that she doesn’t have to worry someone is following her. If a woman is standing alone on a subway platform, stand some distance away from her. 

5. … but insert yourself into spaces where you can use your maleness to interrupt sexism.***Examples: challenge men who make sexist comments and jokes. If you see a female friend in a bar/at a party/on the subway/wherever looking uncomfortable as a man is speaking to her, try to interject in a friendly way that offers her an opportunity for an “out” if she wants it. If you see a situation where a woman looks like she may be in distress while in the company of a man, stand nearby enough that you make yourself a physical presence, monitor the situation, and be in a position to call for help if needed.

6. When a woman tells you something is sexist, believe her.

7. Educate yourself about sexual consent and make sure there is clear, unambiguous communication of consent in all your sexual relationships.

8. Be responsible for contraception. If you are in a relationship where contraception is necessary, offer to use methods that do not have health risks for women (use of hormones, surgeries, etc.) and treat these as preferable options. If your partner prefers a particular method, let her be in charge of making that decision without questioning or complaining about it. Don’t whine about condom usage, and be responsible for buying them and having them available if that’s the method you’re using. 

Assume financial responsibility for any costs related to contraception. Women earn less than men, and also have to assume all the physical risk of pregnancy. Further, in instances where contraception involves any amount of physical risk, it is virtually always women who must assume this risk. As a gesture that redresses a minuscule amount of this disparity, heterosexual men should finance the whole cost of contraceptives. 

9. Get the HPV vaccine. If you are a young man, get it. If you have a young son, ensure he gets it. Since women are the ones who are disproportionately affected by the consequences of HPV, as a matter of fairness men should be the ones who at least assume the potential risks**** of getting vaccinated. 

10. Have progressive name politics. If you and your female partner decide that the institution of marriage is something you want to be involved with, be willing to both keep your existing surnames. If having a common surname with your spouse is important to you, be willing to change your surname and treat this as a preferable option to your spouse changing hers. 

11. If you have children, be an equal parent. Be willing to take paternity leave and to stay home and care for them when they are young. Divide childcare responsibilities so that you are doing at least 50% of the work, and ensure it is divided such that you and your partner both get to spend an equal amount of “play” time with your children too. 

12. Pay attention to and challenge informal instances of gender role enforcement. For example, if you are at a family function or dinner party, pay attention to whether it is mostly/only women who are doing food preparation/cleaning/childcare while men are socializing and relaxing. If it is, change the dynamic and implore other men to do the same.

13. Be mindful of implicit and explicit gendered power differentials in your intimate/domestic relationships with womenwhether a partner or family members or roommates. Work to recognize where inherent structural power  differentials based on race, class, gender, sexual orientation, age (and so on). Where you benefit from these structural imbalances, educate yourself about your privilege and work on finding ways to create a more equitable balance of power. For example, if you are in a domestic partnership where you are the primary income earner, educate yourself about the gendered wage gap, and work on dividing labour and economic resources within your household in a way that increases the economic autonomy of your partner.

14. Make sure that honesty and respect guide your romantic and sexual relationships with women. The way you treat women with whom you are in a relationship is a mirror of your values about women in general. It doesn’t work to espouse feminist theory and then treat your partners like trash. Be upfront and open about your intentions, communicate openly so that women have the ability to make informed, autonomous decisions about what they want to do.

15. Don’t be an online bystander in the face of sexism. Challenge people who make, say, or post sexist things on the internet, especially on social media.

16. Be responsible with money in domestic/romantic relationships. Know that if you are irresponsible with money, this necessarily impacts your partner and since women still make less than men overall (and live longer), this is a feminist issue.

Example: Your credit card debt/money wastage/gambling problem impacts her economic livelihood and future. Share budget making, tax filing, and general personal finance duties and be open and honest about household money management.

17. Be responsible for your own health. Men go to the doctor less often than women for issues troubling them, and when they do, it’s often at the urging of women in their lives. To have a long and healthy partnered life for both you and your spouse means being responsible for your own health, noting any issues, and taking them seriously. Since we’re dependent on one another, your long-term health is also her long-term health.

18. Don’t ogle or make comments about women. (i.e. Keep your tongue in your mouth and comments to yourself.) Even though women may be more prone to wearing more revealing outfits than men, don’t ogle them just because you want to and can. Though you may find someone attractive, there’s a line between noticing and being creepy/disrespectful. It makes the women being ogled feel uncomfortable, as well as any women who notice the ogling or are aware of the comments. 

19. Pay attention to the gender of experts and key figures presenting information to you in the media. When you are watching an expert on TV, reading articles, etc., notice how often this information will come from men and, at the very least, wonder how a female perspective might be different.

20. Ensure that some of your heroes and role models are women.

21. Praise the virtues and accomplishments of women in your life to others. In everyday conversation and in communication in general, talk to others about women you know in a positive light. Suggest your female friends for projects, jobs, and collaborations with other people you know.

22. Have integrity with your male friends. (i.e. Don’t be a “bro.”) When a male friend is doing something sexist (being a deadbeat dad, down-talking women, ogling women, secretly spending shared money, lying to their partner, etc) have integrity and say something to your friend. It’s not enough to think it’s wrong; let them know you think it’s wrong.

23. Don’t treat your spouse like a “nag.” If she is “nagging,” you are probably lagging. 

24. Know that acknowledging your own sexist opinions and stereotypes you hold is not enough. Do something about them.

25. Befriend females. If you don’t have any female friends, figure out why you don’t and then make some. Make sure they are authentic, meaningful relationships.The more we care about and relate to one anther, the better chance we stand of creating a more egalitarian society.

26. Find female mentors/leaders. (i.e. Be subordinate to females.) If you are seeking a mentor, or want to volunteer with an organization, go with a female, or female-led organization. Know that there’s a lot you can learn from females in positions of authority.

27. When in a romantic relationship, be responsible for events and special dates associated with your side of the family. Remember your family members’ birthdays, anniversaries and important events. Don’t rely on your spouse to send cards, make phone calls, organize reunions, etc. It is your family, and thus your responsibility to remember, care about, and contact them.

28. Don’t police women’s appearance. Women are taught to internalize intensely restrictive beauty norms from the time they are small children. Don’t do or say things that make women feel like they aren’t meeting this norm, or create pressure on them to meet it. At the same time, it is equally not a feminist response to do or say things that pressure women to use their body to resist these norms if they don’t want to. Recognize that there are significant social sanctions for women who disobey beauty norms and they shouldn’t be expected to act as martyrs and accept these sanctions if they don’t want to.

Whether according to your personal aesthetic or ideals you think she wears too much makeup or too little, removes too much body hair or not enough, it is none of your business how women choose for their bodies to look.

29. Offer to accompany female friends if they have to walk home alone at night… or in a public space where they may be likely to feel unsafe, but don’t be pushy about it or act like you are being the Ultimate Gentleman for doing so.

30. Inject feminism into your daily conversations with other men. If your father doesn’t do his fair share of housework, talk to him about why this is important. If your friend cheats on his girlfriend or speaks negatively about her, talk to him candidly about respecting individual women with whom he is intimate is part of having respect for women in general. Have conversations with your younger brothers and sons about sexual consent.

31. If you have a tendency to behave inappropriately toward women when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, do not consume drugs or alcohol.

32. Be aware of the physical and emotional space you occupy, and don’t take up more space than you need. Use your fair share of “air space” in conversations, give as much to relationships as you take, don’t sit with your legs splayed so that other people can’t comfortably sit next to you, etc.

33. Walk the walk about income inequality. Women still earn about 77% as much as men. If you are in a position where you are financially able to do so, consider donating a symbolic 23% of your income to social justice-oriented causes. If 23% sounds like a lot to you, that’s because it is a lot and it’s also a lot for women who don’t have a choice whether to forfeit this amount or not.

34. Get in the habit of treating your maleness as an unearned privilege that you have to actively work to cede rather than femaleness being an unearned disadvantage that women have to work to overcome.

35. Self-identify as a feminist. Speak about feminism as a natural, normal, uncontentious belief, because it should be. Don’t hedge and use terms like “humanist” or “feminist ally” that reinforce the idea that the F-word itself is a scary word.


update 20/06/14: #36 added here


* The friend in question, like me, is an academic, so this point is not meant to be an indictment of the original article. It’s just that practical tools and academic tools can have different places in the world.

** Particularly for queer men, trans* men, and men who are disadvantaged by forms of structural oppression. I have tried to phrase my suggestions in ways that do not make assumptions about the kinds of bodies/anatomy men have or the kinds of relationships they have with women. Many suggestions on the list pertain to sexual/romantic relationships with women, and so these suggestions do not apply to men who do not have these kinds of relationships with women, for example. Not all items on the list will apply to all men, because individual men have different kinds of relationships to power and privilege, but any man should be able to find at least -some- items on the list that apply to him.

*** Things like this can super difficult, awkward, and complicated to know how to do, but it’s worth trying anyway. Making yourself feel momentarily uncomfortable is a fair tradeoff for making a woman feel more comfortable.

**** I am hugely pro-vaccines in general and don’t believe there actually are significant risks, but this is a matter of principle.

Sending this to my dad and brother, because they are some men I know :)

(via coolyourdools)

24 6 / 2014


5 years after the recession, are home prices still cheap? It’s hard to know simply by looking at prices alone. 
Here’s another way to look at it: compare home prices to income.
Where have home prices diverged from income?
In cities like San Francisco. Where houses sell for over five times family income. 

I’ll just be over here, dorking out over measures. And not to be doom and gloom but… does anyone else see basically the same spike in house prices happening now as happened leading up to the ‘08 crisis?


5 years after the recession, are home prices still cheap? It’s hard to know simply by looking at prices alone. 

Here’s another way to look at it: compare home prices to income.

Where have home prices diverged from income?

In cities like San Francisco. Where houses sell for over five times family income. 


I’ll just be over here, dorking out over measures. And not to be doom and gloom but… does anyone else see basically the same spike in house prices happening now as happened leading up to the ‘08 crisis?

18 6 / 2014


I thought I was gonna be mad but then no. So good. Yes. Please.


I thought I was gonna be mad but then no. So good. Yes. Please.

(Source: kristine-claire, via un-gendered)

09 6 / 2014


jumping goat baby

Me, lately, every time I think no one is looking.


jumping goat baby

Me, lately, every time I think no one is looking.

(via stopitrightnow)

04 6 / 2014




A defining moment in my life.

I guess I have a thing for women in leather?


See, this is my point exactly.


Someday I’m just going to start a “LUCY LIU: GRADE A BADASS” blog. And then you will never ever see me again.

(Source: wandamaxmoff)

02 6 / 2014


When I began my master’s program in counseling (sorry, dudes. This is going to be a counseling reference heavy essay. Counseling, misogyny, the misdeeds of my cat, getting my house ready for summer visitors and how much I love watching Veronica Mars with my husband- those are basically the major themes of my life lately, so those be the waters I am drawing from. You’ve been warned) one of my favorite instructors, a decades long veteran of the field, said again and again to us that the dangers of asking a client to share their stories did not lay in traumatizing the client, but in traumatizing ourselves. “Your client has already lived through there situation- they’ve survived it enough to tell you about it, so the act of telling isn’t going to hurt them. But you- you don’t know their situation, you haven’t earned the callouses yet to protect yourself from it. You are the person who is most likely to be hurt at first. You have to figure out a way to deal with that.”

Also last year, I had a conversation with my brother that comes to mind right now. We were talking about being adults and how relationships change over time. I was telling him about a study I had read about how health in men is positively correlated to being married, but this is not necessarily the case with women, and also telling him how I thought this had to do with the way that men tend to get most of their emotional needs met in the context of their marriage, while women tend to get their emotional needs met through a web of relationships- with partners, but also with sisters, friends, parents, coworkers, cousins, etc.

One of the reasons explored in this article- and which *highly* resonates in my own life- is that culturally, it’s simple more accepted (and feels less threatening) for guys to share their intimate selves with woman. Be they friends or partners, it simply is easier and less stressful and more desirable to most men to share their feeling selves with women, and their fun/thinking/doing selves with other men.

III) But when the person you go to tell things is the person who just told you things…

The problem I am seeing here- the place where this is unraveling- is that for men who are *hearing* about the traumatic experiences of women, and experiencing secondary traumatization over it, where do they go with those feelings? Who do they talk about their own (totally valid!) emotional reactions to feeling overwhelmed with the things that the women they care about- or just women in general- have to deal with?

Because if the answer is women, things go downhill.

I see the whole #NotAllMen http://time.com/79357/not-all-men-a-brief-history-of-every-dudes-favorite-argument// 
#YesAllWomen https://twitter.com/hashtag/YesAllWomen?src=hash as being basically a conversation that plays out this way:

Woman to man: Here is my experience!

Man: *Listening*

Man (internal dialogue): Holy shit, that is really awful and I feel really bad about it. I need to go talk to someone about this. I’ll go to the person that I usually go to to share intimate/emotional aspects of myself.

Man to woman: Hearing this makes me feel really bad! And now I’m worried about how you think of me! #NotAllMen are like that! (Importantly, I’m not!)

Woman (internal dialogue): Wow, I just shared a part of myself and my experience and now this guy expects me to help him feel better about the experience of listening to me? And also seems to be devaluing the integrity of what I’m telling him?

Woman to man: Fuck off. Seriously. For Real. #YesAllWomen.

Back to talking about secondary trauma- there was an outstanding, outstanding article last year in the LA Times about how to support people who were grieving. This article is one you’ve probably seen- it showed up on my Facebook page with strong verbal “YES!” fistbumps by friends who had lost children to miscarriages, friends who were seeing their parents through the last stages of cancer, friends who were going through divorces, friends who lost loved ones to suicide- basically people going through really difficult processes of loss were resonating strongly to this article. My therapist and social worker friends were also passing it around, as very valuable reminders for how we work with people who are grieving. If, by some chance, you were absent from social media the month of April in 2013 and you missed the article, I’ll put it right here and strongly encourage you to read it, because it is fantastic and brilliant:


While I don’t mean to say that the fact of being a woman is any more grief filled than the fact of being a man, I do think that the notion of circles is extremely helpful in the conversations where women are sharing with men what their experiences are when it comes to being a woman and being harassed/intimidated/sexualized/preyed upon for not conforming to the desires of men. Women are at the center of that experience. The emotional energy/listening/comfort moves to the women. Not because we are weak, or because we can’t handle the stuff we are telling you. I basically assure you, given that are choices are a) deal with it or b) cease to exist, if we are telling you our experiences, we’ve figured out a (however imperfect) way of coping. But simply because in the act of telling you, we are asking for you to listen and witness our experience. End stop. And if you are a man who is listening, then, as overwhelming as it feels to you, you are not in the center ring. The men who are listening are in the next ring. Just by listening, they are being supportive and doing exactly what they need to do. Just by listening.

That’s it. Listening.

But! Of course, if you are a guy listening and being overwhelmed by what you are hearing, you absolutely need to go talk to someone. One hundred percent yes. That is the right thing.
Just (and, in my opinion, this is pretty critical, and also, if this could happen, could be pretty seriously transformative:)

IV) If you are a man who is becoming upset/depressed/overwhelmed/hopeless/defensive when you listen to the women in the world/your life talk about their experiences, you need to talk about it. With another man.

I really, really mean this. Not to complain about how crazy or uptight women are, please. (I mean, personally, I don’t think that would help you or me very much at all). But you absolutely need to talk to another guy. A guy you are friends with and who you trust is ideal. And if you don’t have that kind of guy in your life- and, seriously, you are not alone in that area- then you have the very hard, critical work of figuring out how to make that kind of friendship ahead of you. If you are feeling a restless helplessness over all of this, that can be your challenge. Because I think as women we really, really need you to form those relationships. We really, really need you to have an emotional connection to each other. And we need to know you guys can turn and talk each other through these hard things and support each other while you support us.

And if you are a guy who has already figured this out- if you’ve already figured out the circle thing and the male friendship and intimacy thing and how to be supportive of women thing- then my personal challenge to you is to go and find the guys in your world who haven’t totally made this connection, and pull them into your circle. Mentor them. Teach them how to do what you’ve figured out to do. Seriously, I can’t do that. Your girlfriends and lady friends and moms and sisters and classmates and bosses can’t do that. But you can, and that is absolutely invaluable.”

(via coolyourdools)

23 5 / 2014


His shirt reads “They gave me a medal for killing two men, and a discharge for loving one.”
You are a bad-ass.


His shirt reads “They gave me a medal for killing two men, and a discharge for loving one.”

You are a bad-ass.

(via un-gendered)

22 5 / 2014


Another new comic! I just.. can’t… stop? This one features Betty and Ang, my two favourite cyberbullies.
News, updates and links are HERE.



Another new comic! I just.. can’t… stop? This one features Betty and Ang, my two favourite cyberbullies.

News, updates and links are HERE.